Friday, October 19, 2007

A final answer

Feeling ill and making constant trips to the doctor, they would turn away and tell me there was nothing wrong.
Losing my hair and not able to swallow, having severe panic attacks I assumed I was having a breakdown. Months passing losing weight, and feeling ill, I wrote my children aletter and placed it in a teapot .
The letter read:

Dear, Children Mommy loves you so much. I hoped to see you grow, please help each other along the way I will think of you and be looking out after you from far away so when you are laying at night remember to look up at the stars and know im there watching.

Love forever,Mommy

I knew I was dying, and not a soul would listen to me.
Waking in the middle of the living room floor looking over I yelled out for my children, I set up and cried realizing I had passed out.Standing and walking to the mirror I looked at myself my eyes were big they looked as if they could burst from the sockets, my face was thin .I noticed I had lost more weight and figured it was from not being able to eat.Placing my hand on the mirror I wondered what was wrong with me. Knowing I had to get a grip ,I grabbed the hair brush with my hands shaking I tried to comb through my hair ,noticing as I stroked it only once the brush was full of hair. Staring at the brush sobbing, my heart feeling like it was beating out of my chest I wondered what has happened to me.
I have been to countless doctors, they say there is nothing wrong with me but I knew they were missing something.
Feeling alone in the world I have tried to talk to family and the gossip going around is I was on drugs or just went crazy .
With no one to turn to all I knew was I had to live until I died and try to take care of my children the best way I could until the end.

With my heart, beating fast I felt as if I was having a heart attack deciding to get in the shower I looked toward the mirror, noticing something very different. I placed my hand lightly on my neck noticing a lump and wondering if I had always had it and just never noticed, I shook the thought away and quickly took a shower.
Feeling the knot on my neck once more I ran to the phone and made a call to the only place I had left to go ,the doctor who delivered my last child . They wanted to see me immediately.

Walking into the office they took me back quickly, the doctor followed me back to the room, he placed his hand on my neck and said he needs to run a few tests but he feels it’s possible I have cancer.
Setting in that chair I felt numb, crying he asked me to calm down that he wasen't one-hundred percent sure what was going on but he feared it could be cancer.
Hurrying out of the room and wanting me to stay and wait I placed my head down and waited for the news.
Fearing looking up as he walked back into the room I kept my head down as he spoke , he would be sending me else where the following day that my TSH and T4 and other test results were behond awful , telling me to hang in there I left not knowing what would happen next.

I set up all night staring into the stars and praying if god was going to take me make it quick and if he chose me to live please heal me now.
Morning came slowly and the drive was long but I was relieved to arrive at the place that would end the suffering that plagued me for months.
As the doctor spoke, he told me I had Hyper Thyroid Graves Diease. With him running a many of tests that day he ruled out any form of cancer and told me I would be fine with proper treatment and that it would take months to get back to feeling normal. He explained I was very lucky to be alive my case was very severe.
It took a year to start feeling better , and will be on thyroid medication the rest of my life. I often wonder how much I could have been spared if someone would have diagnoised the condition the frst time I had seen a doctor.

I have been busy but will post more cool stuff tommrow, this marks the date of when they found my thyroid diease posted this story elsewhere and wanted to share it with all of you !
If you feel you or someone you know could have thyroid diease insist the doctor do testing.

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